Building Resilience

 

 

Life has a habit of throwing misfortune our way. Retirement is no exception to that rule and indeed as we age we are more likely to encounter and face the demise of loved ones, health issues and increasing frailty of body and even mind. There are also those day to day issues that we might find harder to deal with, not to mention the unexpected shocks and surprises ready to leap out when we least expect them.

The main advantage we have in retirement is a lifetime of experience in dealing with adverse circumstances. We are now in the advantageous position of building on that experience and developing still further our resilience. 

Action for Happiness identifies resilience as one of the 10 keys to a happy life. Resilience doesn't mean that we are no longer impacted by awful situations but instead that we can overcome both the crisis and the stress and anxiety it brings to us, enabling us to move on positively, build on our fortitude and learn from the ordeal.

Since June, Mister E and I have been embroiled in the nightmare of an oil leak, a state that is far from over. If ever there was a practical training course for boosting resilience this has to be it. Whether we will actually last the course and pass the test with distinction at the end remains a matter for speculation.

Initially, we were almost in denial. Was it really heating oil in our water; surely it can't leach through piping so easily; there must be a mistake. How can it be from our installation when the system passed a pressure test, we are using significantly less oil than even 2 years ago and the boiler never misses a beat? The laboratory analyses can't detect the expected chemical components, so it must be something else.

Then the "what ifs," and fear followed. What if it's flowing from a neighbour's property, will they be insured to cover our damage? What if it emanates from the nearby property that did suffer a leak over a decade ago but which has since changed ownership? What if it isn't even oil but paint thinners or white spirit that we have no memory of spilling? What if there is now a lake of oil sitting under the house that has infiltrated the foundations and cavity walls? What if our situation is actually worse than all the horror stories the visitors from the Water Authority sought to entertain us with? What if the Insurance Company won't cover us?

With the fear came sleepless nights as the experts faltered in detecting a fault. The Insurance Company confirmed it would cover the costs of investigating the cause but unless that showed a leak from our domestic supply the cost and onus of organising the remediation works would fall on ourselves.

The Water Authority whose officers continued to scratch their heads in bafflement,  indicated it was considering withdrawing the statutory notice to replace our water pipe and would instead monitor our tap water with continuing testing, subject first to a visit by its lead scientist. That visit failed to find any evidence of oil in our water but rather than lifting the notice we were told that because a panel had detected the odour of heating oil in our water from the initial sampling in June and there remained a faint smell on occasions, the requirement would remain and that it was likely that we had suffered a small leak (a cupful was mentioned)  when our oil tank had been filled at some point in the past.

We could have allowed frustration  or even anger to overcome us but we took a deep breath and decided to try to solve the mystery logically. If odour was the only means of detection then it seemed obvious that we had to undertake sampling ourselves. Unlike the Water Authority, we ensured that all samples were taken from our supply pipe after it had lain stagnant overnight. We also calculated the volume of the pipe and that 1 litre of water would equate to 1.5 metres of piping, so that if we could identify any oil present we would at least have some idea as to where exactly the breach was.

For the first 4 days there was really nothing to record. A faint whiff of something in the water drawn into the measuring jug perhaps but maybe not. Then something changed and you might be forgiven for thinking we were operating a petrol forecourt, had you been able to smell the contents of that jug. As for the measurements, they convinced us the breach of the pipe was under the house itself!

We found photographs of the house being built and of a lintel for soil pipes behind which the water pipe was clearly visible. Could that be the source of the ingress? Believe me, I spent hours on my hands and knees sniffing our brickwork. The only inkling I got, however, was round the corner from there at the back of the property but it could just as easily be fumes carried on the wind and our attempts at scrabbling through the grouting between paving slabs revealed nothing.

The rest is history as they say. The Insurance appointed expert excavated at the back and found evidence of oil leaking from our pipe. Trenches have since been dug and the earth deposited in a large skip that now graces our driveway. The oil has found its way under the house and our solid floors need to be dug out so that the contamination can be excavated from inside our home. Depending on the extent of "the puddle," we may have no choice but to move out. Our insurance policy will cover the provision of alternative accommodation but we would prefer to stay if we can. We have been told that the work will take approximately 6 months. Based on progress to date, we anticipate that it could be longer.

But you know what? It is what it is. 

Resolving the position is very much in the hands of third parties and the most productive thing we can do is to live with it. We are learning to be kind to ourselves; in my case this extends to anything that might relieve stress from Yoga and meditation to indulgent massages and little treats, as well as anything that might captivate my attention and act as a diversionary technique. 

We are frustrated in that we need very much to be present whilst the extent of the work is scoped with "experts" visiting, often at short notice, each week.  Still reliant on bottled water and neurotic about a permeating odour, we are not keen to host visitors either. A chance maybe to rewrite family Christmas traditions if, as we fear, they cannot stay this year.

We are trying to identify the positives and to exploit opportunities. We are hopeful that the rooms that we recently decorated will not be affected and that the removal of floors will enable us to update our home and perhaps replace outmoded floor tiles with alternative modern coverings whilst repainting the walls and replacing worn fixtures. Similarly it is a chance to update our heating system and explore moving away from reliance on fossil fuels altogether.

Ultimately when everything is restored to its new updated glory, we anticipate treating ourselves perhaps to an extra-special super-duper trip to make up for all the travel we have missed out on, not only this year but also because of the pandemic. Maybe too, whilst the drilling is at its loudest, we shall take the opportunity to visit all those places locally that deserve more of our attention or spend time with those whose company we enjoy.

We are powerless to change our predicament, so instead we have to change the way we think about it.

Picture from Action for Happiness website)