That Dream Job

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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
According to the newspapers it's reckoned that by 2030 the employment market is going to be brimming with over 65's, if the analysis by the Office of National Statistics of 2019's Labour Force Survey is correct. I wonder what everyone will be doing and will I be in a minority of people of a certain age who have gone down the retirement route instead?

With this in mind I can't help pondering on that advert by Dominic Cummings on his blog. Is now the time to actively seek some work experience to add to my CV before I reach the second half of my 60's?

He suggests that he's looking for "data scientists, project managers, policy experts," and "assorted weirdos and misfits with odd skills." As I have no experience of the first three, I'm going to have to narrow myself down and apply for the fourth. It says apply by letter (one page maximum), so here goes:

Dear Mr Cummings,

I wish to apply for a position as advertised on your website. I note that you refer to a lot of low hanging fruit with presumably nobody left to pick it, but seriously that is the kind of employment that, like every other Brit, I'm supposed to think is beneath me. Mind I do like the idea of those trillion dollar bills lying around in the streets. However, and aware of the sheer numbers of  homeless people caused by the misery a decade of Conservative rule has brought, I would prefer it if they could be allowed to pick those up and benefit, rather than me.

On my part, therefore, I should like to be considered instead for the advertised vacancy of  Super-talented Weirdo. I do not have an English degree from Oxbridge and I definitely like bonfires, although in the interests of saving the planet I never go round lighting them these days. I'm not sure about Mr Putin, as I have no Russian connections; this I understand should make me unique within Number 10 and give me a head start in organising the spin to accompany the eventual release of the suppressed report on Russian interference. Also I have never chatted about Lacan over dinner or otherwise; my ability to name psychoanalysts stops with Freud. Besides it's much more interesting being accepted as an oddity, than trying to unravel the reasons why.

So far as wild cards are concerned, the youngest did teach me how to play Unstable Unicorns over the Christmas break although Scrabble is more my thing. Come to think of it, if I take up the position, I shall require a two week holiday at Christmas, but Mustique rather than North Yorkshire will be fine.

Steampunk, however, isn't me at all. That said, I have read a lot of Dickens which I think has given me a much better insight into life in Tory Britain than William Gibson might. Sadly, as a result of arthritic degeneration, my running days are behind me and I wonder if Pilates might be acceptable instead.

I am in the process of rejecting ardent consumerism, fast fashion and brand label marketing techniques, so rest assured that the sight of Tommy Hilfiger can make me feel as sick as any fictional character. I've also had the opportunity to visit both Cuba and China in the past, and both impressed, although I appreciate that you say the Government does not wish to be run by "comms grid" which I'm guessing is a communist utility company. 

I have recently signed up for an Art Class which begins on 10th January, and would expect to be a fully accomplished artist very shortly and presumably in time for a 1st February start. I'm guessing that might be a busy day for you to spend time helping me, with Brexit going through on 31st January and everything, but I'm sure we can come to an appropriate arrangement.

The whole of the rest of my life is ahead of me, so I can definitely commit for 2 years. I don't however like the sound of being binned in a few weeks. I may be retired but that doesn't mean that I am nursing home material quite yet.

Yours sincerely,
Caree




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